Stephen Covey's Jar Trick – And Why It Still Matters Today

Stephen Covey loved simple demonstrations. They stuck with you.

Here’s one of my favorites.

He would take out a mason jar. Fill it with tiny pebbles. Then try to add several large rocks. They wouldn’t fit.

Then came the magic.

He’d empty the jar. Place the big rocks in first. Then pour in all the small rocks. Everything fit perfectly.

This wasn’t just clever physics. It was life wisdom.

The Big Rocks vs. The Small Pebbles

The big rocks? They’re what matter most. Family. Health. Spirituality. Personal growth. Meaningful work.

The small rocks? Those are our daily distractions. Endless emails. Social media scrolling. The constant ping of notifications.

When we start with the small stuff, we never fit in what matters. But if we start with the essential—the big rocks—everything else falls into place.

We have to build our lives around the big rocks.

A Rabbi is Surrounded By Big Rocks

As a rabbi, I see life's deepest moments up close. I stand with couples at their weddings. I honor lives at funerals.

These moments reveal what really matters. They create the big rocks.

And yet, we all get caught up in the small pebbles.

It happened to me recently.

I've been deep in the world of artificial intelligence and machine learning. It’s fascinating, transformative even.

But learning about it can become all-consuming. Like the early days of the internet, each day brings new discoveries.

Then I got a call.

An elderly friend and mentor from my first synagogue was dying.

We hadn’t spoken face-to-face in years. Just occasional emails. But we loved each other, and he had given me so much validation and wisdom.

I called immediately. He couldn’t speak. His daughter held the phone to his ear.

I shared what he meant to me. Words of gratitude. Of love.

In that moment, nothing else mattered.

Not AI breakthroughs. Not pending emails. Not unfinished projects.

When I returned to my research, everything looked different. I saw technology’s true purpose: to facilitate human connection, not replace it.

Are You Making Room for Your Big Rocks?

We’re designed for connection. For relationship. For kindness.

We come alive when we connect with others.

This isn’t about having hundreds of friends. Or fitting some prescribed social model. It’s simpler than that.

It’s about caring. About doing something for another person. About feeling something together.

Our world gets more complex every day. Technology mediates more of our interactions.

Maybe that’s why we need to keep the big rocks front and center.

What are your big rocks?

Are you giving them the space they deserve?

Or is your jar filling up with pebbles first?

Maya Angelou said it perfectly:

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

The big rocks are about feelings. About connections. About moments that matter.

Everything else?

Just pebbles, finding their place in between.