Prayer Is Not What You Think It Is

Are You Doing It Wrong?

A great rabbi once said, "When I pray, I talk to God. When I study, God talks to me."

It's insightful, but it's only half-true. Prayer is not just talking. Prayer is also listening.

Think about it for a moment. Does God NEED our prayers? No.

Prayer may be addressed to God, but it is for us. It allows us to hear what God is saying to us right now.

Picture a conversation with a wise mentor. If you are truly seeking guidance, you don't say much.

You are patient. You are focused. You pay close attention to all the nuances and insights of your mentor's words. You speak primarily so you can listen to what they say in response.

In prayer, we are talking to God so we can listen for God.

This idea sounds paradoxical. Why say any words if we pray primarily to listen?

Because the words we say crack open the doors of our minds and hearts. They help us become more receptive to what God is saying.

In any case, words are not always necessary. We have all prayed without saying anything.

What gets in the way of meaningful prayer? Ourselves. Our ego. An unchecked ego is like a do-not-disturb sign directed at God.

Ego Is the Enemy

What is ego? It is expectation. It is control. It is self-delusion, convincing ourselves we know all the answers.

But not knowing is what opens us up to God's word.

Did Abraham know what God had in store when God said to him, "Leave your father's birthplace and go the land that I will show you..."?

Did Moses have any idea of what would happen when God spoke to him from a burning bush? They trusted in God more than themselves.

Every true prayer experience is miraculous because it bypasses our normal functioning ego.

While being a source of false expectation and delusion, the ego is also necessary. It cultivates desire. Without ego we would not build families, communities, businesses, art, and so much more.

Heschel’s Open Heart

But in true prayer we seek nothing. We are totally open to God. And getting into that state is difficult. That’s why true prayer experiences are so rare.

Some people never have them. But that's why we should pray frequently. We never know when a miracle will happen.

The great rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel taught this lesson in a talk to Catholic bishops in Milwaukee.

Heschel was one of the world's experts on prayer. He wrote scholarship on it and followed the Jewish tradition of praying three times per day. .

But in the midst of his lecture to the bishops, Heschel made an odd statement. He said he didn't know how to pray.

"Though often I do not know how to pray, I can still say: Redeem me from the agony of not knowing what to strive for..."

What utter humility!

One of the world's wisest teachers on prayer says he often does not know how to do it. He doesn't know how or what he should be praying for!

What can his words teach us?

Prayer=Love

Well, compare prayer to love. Can you teach a person how to love? You can teach words, gestures, communication skills. You can set an example of what and how to love.

But can you teach a feeling? No. The feeling is unique to every individual. So is prayer.

Prayer is something every human being does. Some do it through meditation. Some do it thinking to themselves. So do it singing lyrics to pop songs.

We all do it differently…even when we are saying the same words.

Just like no two human faces are alike, so no two prayers are alike. And God is big enough to handle them all.