3 Ways I Would Revise My Book on Happiness

Introducing New Practices

Six years ago I wrote a book on happiness. It synthesizes Jewish wisdom and positive psychology through the prism of my own life and spiritual leadership.

Even though just six years have passed, it feels like a lifetime ago. I’m not exactly sure why, but I suspect it has something to do with experiencing the pandemic and watching my kids entering their mid-teens.

Over that time, I’ve learned a lot more and changed my mind about a few things.

I view this change as a success. One of the secrets of life is remaining open, to growing, "to being surprised," as Abraham Joshua Heschel put it.

Now, most of what I wrote in the book remains true. But now I would also add the following tools:

1. Embrace simplicity: The best writers expressed complex and compelling ideas in simple language. Similarly, the best lives find deep meaning in simple acts. They can include writing letters, calling a friend, or going for a walk.

Another way to simplify is to reduce the number of choices we make. Making choices—like what to wear, what foods to eat, what brand of coffee to buy—consumes energy. When our energy depletes, we are more irritable and temperamental.

We also start to question whether we made the right choice. We can avoid this energy loss and potential regret by limiting our wardrobe, food options, and much else.

You might think it would feel boring to limit our choices in such ways, but it opens us up to go deeper in the areas we truly love. One way of seeing this is to look at the clothing choices of successful leaders.

Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs wore the same clothes every day (Zuckerberg a hoodie and Jobs a black turtleneck and jeans). They did so because the energy saved from not having pick-out clothes could be applied to what they loved doing—solving hard problems and leading a business.

We can apply the same principle to our lives. We can make fewer and more consistent choices. Doing so saves energy, money, and time.

Even the prophet Micah simplified the actions leading to a meaningful life. As he put it, “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8)

2. Embrace paradox: Israeli poet David Shahar once said, "Where is no paradox, there is no life." Here's a paradox connected to what I just said above: The most important experiences in life are simple and complex.

It's true, isn't it? Think about a loving friendship or relationship. You connect with the person. You share values and resonate with one another. But you've probably had ups and downs. You've had challenges. Life is not always a piece of cake.

Or think of a well-known painting like the Mona Lisa. It's simple. It’s a woman with a hint of a smile. But what is truly going on? What is she thinking? Who is she? Why is the painting so alluring? There's much more than meets the eye.

The same is true of most meaningful moments of life. They encompass much more than we see on the surface. They are both radically simple and deeply complex.

3. Pray More: Prayer brings us out of ourselves. It can lead us to both peace of mind and peace from mind.

Peace of mind is a feeling of wholeness and gratitude. We know God has our back, wherever and whoever we are.

Peace from mind is getting out of our own way. How often do we sabotage ourselves with our words, thinking, and choices?

Prayer can put us in touch with a more intuitive part of ourselves. Perhaps that intuitive part is the image of God embedded within us. Perhaps it is our conscience. Perhaps it is simply a set of neurons in the brain.

Whatever it is, prayer speaks to it, and in a world filled with anxiety and tension, we need to hear it more than ever.